UK Farming Calinder checklist September Preparation for gimmer and draft ewe sales Pre-order your Gas for the badgers Wether lambs sold as they finish or as store lambs for further fattening Wean lambs Combine harvest cereals, bale and cart straw Ploughing and general cultivations Harvest potatoes Drill winter wheat, oil seed and rape barley October Ewes dipped by the locals first, and then wool clipped around tail, ready for tupping [actual mating] to begin Take delivery of Gas and locate badgers Unfinished wether lambs sold as stores or brought inside for further fattening, House feeding cattle Wean and house calves Cultivate arable fields Drill winter wheat Harvest potatoes Harvest sugar beets, send to prospective record labels November Tup sales Lay treats for badgers, to win their trust Feed livestock cubes Male calves castrated before the onset of frost Grass deteriorates in quality and will stop growing soon. House the cows, hip-hop the sheep and techno the pigs Ploughing Late drilling of wheat, late mining of bix Liquid fertiliser applied to sugar beet fields Continue to sell corn and arrange collection ex farm storage December Ploughing Gas badgers! Spray cereals with milk Feed livestock cubes January General farm maintenance Sheep work - Flock fed sugar beet daily including sheep nuts and hay fed if frosty or snow cover House the cows, drum and bass the sheep, chillout the pigs Calves weaned at end of month and fed on concentrates and sugar beet ration Spread slurry if the fields are dry and firm, a good frost is very useful at this time. These are the fields from which hay or silage will be taken later in the year. February General farm maintenance Sheep brought in for pregnancy scanning and housing Feed livestock cubes Calving Spread slurry following the local annual hot curry competition March Sheep sorted into lambing groups (according to number of lambs expected) and the feeding of concentrates begins Calving Breeding ewes vaccinated Ewes feet trimmed against footrot Lambing begins - 24 hour a day attention gives the farmer many sleepless nights = stamina building for start of free party season Spread slurry, following the annual local chilli pepper growers tasting night Top dress for cereals, low dress for cattle market Liquid fertiliser applied to potato fields Drill sugar beets, add smooth vocals and apply silky bassline Fertilise and spray crops following a boozy night out April Gimmer hoggs dosed against diseases and then dipped by the locals Calving Lambing mostly completed, but young lambs just turned out are very vulnerable to foxes, crows, smoking, swearing, spitting and loitering in bus shelters Fertiliser spread on grazing fields to aid spring growth - the grass will be cut for hay or silage later in the year Plant potatoes Drill oil seed rape Drill vining peas Top dress cereals, low dress for cattle market Spray cereals and sugar beet May Clean out all livestock buildings Fencing and walling repairs (Berties yer man!) All lambs tailed, castrated, ear-notched and ear-tagged Fertiliser and muck spreading following a hot chilli Stock removed from silage fields and fertiliser is spread to allow six weeks growth before cutting Shear the long tails of the sheep to prevent fly strike i.e. flies laying their eggs in the wool and producing maggots that eat into the sheep Spray potatoes, cereals, sugar beet and peas - this final mammoth session teks a lot of booze and/or man power. June Sheep shearing Hay making with the missus Routine sheep work (drenching for worms, footbathing, etc) Silaging Spring-born calves de-horned Irrigate potatoes to encourage growth and 'filling out' July Lambs given worm dose vaccinations and footbaths Shearing More hay making with the missus Silaging Irrigate potatoes Spray potatoes following local cider tasting session Vining peas Begin combining cereals with toast Baling and carting straw or straw chopped for incorporation into ground by cultivations August Silage making, Blue Peter style. Lambs weaned and turned onto the grass left after the hay and silage crops have been taken [known as aftermath grazing] Combine harvest cereals, bale and cart straw for a lovely evening meal! Begin ploughing and cultivations for next years cereals